How many things are you doing for your PMDD--to minimize your symptoms and optimize your health--and you STILL feel like you haven't found that sense of stability and flow with your PMDD that you're looking for?
How long is your list of PMDD self-care tasks and you STILL feel exhausted and burned out by the emotional rollercoaster--and vicious cycle--that is PMDD?
How many tools do you have in your PMDD toolbox and you STILL resent PMDD because you feel like it still has the upper hand?
That is exactly how I felt. Until I had a thought:
What if what I'm missing isn't another thing to DO but a different way of BEING?
What if the thing I'm searching for is a MINDSET SHIFT? A new perspective on PMDD. A better relationship with my own PMDD experience.
What if I could find a more sustainable way of living with the difficult thoughts and feelings brought on by PMDD?
In this episode:
I explain how mindfulness and Acceptance and Commitment Training have filled in the gap left behind by all the other treatments and self-management tools I've tried and continue to use...and how THAT is when I really started to feel better in my life with PMDD.
I share how YOU CAN TAKE THAT VERY FIRST STEP toward training your brain to get better at feeling.
AND I share details of my program, launching early in the New Year:
How many things are you doing for your PMDD--to minimize your symptoms and optimize your health--and you STILL feel like you haven't found that sense of stability and flow with your PMDD that you're looking for?
How long is your list of PMDD self-care tasks and you STILL feel exhausted and burned out by the emotional rollercoaster--and vicious cycle--that is PMDD?
How many tools do you have in your PMDD toolbox and you STILL resent PMDD because you feel like it still has the upper hand?
That is exactly how I felt. Until I had a thought:
What if what I'm missing isn't another thing to DO but a different way of BEING?
What if the thing I'm searching for is a MINDSET SHIFT? A new perspective on PMDD. A better relationship with my own PMDD experience.
What if I could find a more sustainable way of living with the difficult thoughts and feelings brought on by PMDD?
In this episode:
I explain how mindfulness and Acceptance and Commitment Training have filled in the gap left behind by all the other treatments and self-management tools I've tried and continue to use...and how THAT is when I really started to feel better in my life with PMDD.
I share how YOU CAN TAKE THAT VERY FIRST STEP toward training your brain to get better at feeling.
AND I share details of my program, launching early in the New Year:
And remember ... Stop. Take a breath. And observe.
xo Diane
Speaker 1:
If you want to learn how you can live better with PMDD, this podcast was created for you. This is Mindfulness for PMDD with Diane. I'm Diane and I'm a registered dietitian and lactation consultant. I'm also a mom, a PMDD warrior and a trauma-informed mindfulness teacher, and this is where I discuss topics related to PMDD through the lens of mindfulness and meditation and where I share all about how mindfulness has gotten me to a place of greater peace and acceptance with my PMDD. I also chat with people who have helped and inspired me along the way, so they can share the wisdom with you too. So let's get started. This podcast is not a substitute for psychological therapy or medical advice. Please take care when listening to this podcast, as some may find certain words or subjects triggering or difficult to hear. Take only what serves you and leave the rest behind. Hey everyone, oh my gosh, it has been a crazy few weeks. First of all, I, a few weeks ago, was diagnosed with seizures, which was quite a surprise. And yet, on another level, it was not a surprise at all, because I have been having these episodes my entire 42, very nearly 43 years. I just always took them for granted. No one in my life really ever noticed them, you know, let alone expressed concern. I mean, I don't think anyone ever noticed this was happening to me, and so I kind of just thought that I was always a very dizzy, sensitive, feinty kind of a person, and thankfully recently there was a nurse at a doctor's appointment that I went to who asked me some question in when she was taking my medical history that maybe I have never been asked before, or maybe was asked in a different way, or maybe it was just her, you know her energy that led me to share. But something in that moment of giving her my history led me to mention these episodes. I've always had as long as I can remember, and when I saw the doctor he mentioned that it sounded like I was having. What did he call it? There's a name for it that used to be in use and is no longer used. Basically it's like partial seizures or absence seizures, and so I ended up, you know, seeing a neurologist getting an EEG and it was confirmed that it was seizures. So that was wild, and I've been on anti seizure medication now and then also in the last couple of weeks, my son ended up with strep, so he was home with me for a few days home from school and I was feeling a little bit unwell myself and my son also recently had a couple of strange episodes Also. We've recently been like just in the last couple of weeks going through evaluations for him, trying to suss out whether it's fainting or seizures.
Speaker 1:
And then, on top of all that, as I thought we were finally coming out of all that craziness, the last few days, handful of days, I've been having some pretty intense symptoms, but the weird thing is these started on day four. I'm always feeling really good by day four, day four, I look forward to day four, day four I'm feeling like myself again, but on day four I had really crazy mood swings. I was feeling irritable and angry and then just really I don't know if it was like depressed or just really frustrated, hopeless, so bad. And then Yesterday I got oh, there was also like some dizziness recently and then yesterday I had a headache that got so bad and nothing was helping all day, so no amount of like Advil and water and rest and everything, eating something. Nothing was helping and by nighttime it felt like I was on the precipice of a migraine. Like I have a history of migraines and when I get a migraine. I start to feel really dizzy, nauseous, I start to feel like I can't see very clearly, you know, my vision starts to fade and I start to feel kind of like I have like a racing heart. I start to feel panicky. And all of that was like starting to set in and so I just called it a day by 8.30pm, climbed into bed. I was like I have to make this go away, because sometimes the only way I can make my migraines go away is just by sleeping it off.
Speaker 1:
Well, the entire night I was being woken up by head pain and woke up again this morning with terrible head pain, got my son off to school. I had some volunteering I was doing in his library at school this morning, so got all my morning tasks done and by before lunchtime I was feeling so incredibly dizzy and nauseous and had so much horrible pressure in my head and I just had this feeling like I didn't even know if I could make it back home. That's how badly I was feeling. And when I got back home it felt like that urgency to get into bed and try to rest it off, because I felt like I just felt so dizzy and so nauseous. It felt like, oh my God, I've got to like park myself somewhere. But again I took some Advil and drank more water and ate a little something, because any of those things might help, or just the combination of them, and got into bed.
Speaker 1:
And only now, 2pm on day seven, am I starting to feel okay. And so it occurred to me only just today, when I was feeling at the worst of all these weird symptoms since day four, only just today, that it did occur to me that maybe these are side effects of my anti-seizure meds. My neurologist did say that in her experience with her patients they really don't report many side effects at all, maybe just a little bit of dizziness, if anything. But some half-assed internet research told me that it might be possible that I might be experiencing side effects of my drugs. So I will mention that to my neuro.
Speaker 1:
But all of which is to say that it's been a crazy few weeks, and also it always boggles my mind when I'm coming out of the luteal phase. I'm expecting to feel better and then I don't, and I'm always trying to suss out exactly what's going on and it's like of course there are other things in life that can make you feel poorly, either psychologically or physically or cognitively, but because of PMDD and because the luteal phase always comes back around, right, and because that's usually the source of my not feeling well, it's always like this shock to me when I'm feeling unwell and it's not the luteal phase. So, anyhow, that's where I'm at today, today's seven, finally feeling good after a crazy few weeks. And yeah, let's get into it, because today I want to talk about the missing piece in your self-management puzzle. But first one more thing before I get to that, because I am super excited because my program Live Better with Mindfulness for PMDD is scheduled to launch early in the new year and I'm going to be sharing a little bit about that at the end of this episode. Also, this episode comes with a meditation that will be live next week. So normally I post a new episode every two weeks, but because I want you to be able to apply today's learnings sooner rather than later, I'm posting the meditation for you next week so you can look out for that.
Speaker 1:
All right, here we go. So you've probably heard the saying that you've survived 100% of your worst days, right, and while that's true, it doesn't always feel super helpful, at least not to me. I think the point is that bad things happen and even though they suck so far, you've always found yourself on the other side. I just think that for me and anyone with PMDD can probably relate, I know that the challenges of PMDD will keep happening from month to month, likely with varying levels of intensity, but potentially for two whole weeks at a time, while I may end up on the other side feeling like myself again. In the follicular phase, there is still perhaps some destruction that may have come with past luteal phases and that may come as a result of future luteal phases. But the other day I heard a reminder that affirmed for me the reason I practice mindfulness, and that is that, while challenging times will keep coming, our goal is to better manage those moments.
Speaker 1:
And that's what mindfulness is about. It isn't about never again having a big feeling or a negative thought. Rather, it's about responding a little bit differently to these thoughts and feelings. Specifically, it's about responding in a kind, open-hearted, curious and judgment-free sort of way. So to put it another way in the words of Shamash Aladina, the aim of mindfulness is not to feel better, but to get better at feeling. And if we do feel better as a result of mindfulness, it's a really nice, really welcome added bonus.
Speaker 1:
Now, frankly, I think that we do often feel better and I know that I do as we start to incorporate mindfulness into our lives, especially when we do it within the framework of acceptance and commitment training, because of the spaciousness and new possibilities that it opens up in our lives. But the aim of the practice is to get better at feeling, because we can't just make our PMDD disappear Maybe someday, but not today and we can't make our brains stop presenting us with warnings or flagging threats or coming up with all sorts of things to worry about or beat ourselves up over. That's just not how the human mind works, pmdd or no PMDD. In fact, negative thoughts and feelings may just become stronger and more intense the more we try to fight them or avoid and distract ourselves from them. But what we do have control over is how we respond when faced with these stressors and challenges. And I think that is just so perfect for the PMDD experience, because even as we do so much to address our symptoms and I know, I know that you are doing a ton there will still be times where we perhaps might have a really tough luteal phase.
Speaker 1:
Maybe life throws a few extra stressors your way one month or for several months in a row and that exacerbates your symptoms. This is where I really feel the magic of mindfulness and this is why mindfulness is the anchor of my PMDD management. Because even when I'm doing all the things quote, unquote, right the SSRI, the diet and the exercise and the sleep and the walking, the cycle, sinking, the symptom tracking, the knitting and mindful coloring and just really being deliberate about my use of my time and my energy, etc. Etc. Etc. Right, even when I'm doing all those things, I might still have a month marked by irritability or sadness or anxiety or rage or overwhelm, and in those instances I still can turn towards my mindfulness tools to help me get through specific moments and I can turn to the renewed outlook that I've experienced as a result of mindfulness to help me live better with my PMDD.
Speaker 1:
So when I was doing all the things, I was finding varying degrees of PMDD relief, but I still experienced a feeling of instability and burnout from riding an emotional roller coaster each month and, in addition, I was feeling resentful, disappointed and kind of hopeless about those feelings of instability and burnout. Right, so it was like all those things were helping me to some extent, but I still felt this feeling of like I don't know if I could do this every month, or like this is insane. This is really quite an emotional ride for a person to have to go on over and over and over. But when I dove deep into mindfulness, including acceptance and commitment training, and decided one day I need a mindset shift and soon after decided I'm going to lean into acceptance, I quickly discovered a release of tension, a release of pressure and a release of all these feelings of inadequacy and resentment and all the rest.
Speaker 1:
I stopped adding more things to my list of things I need to do every day to minimize my symptoms and maximize my health, because I was doing plenty already and I needed time to actually do life Right. I didn't need to keep adding more tasks to my self-management list and instead I committed myself to the brain training I had started to help myself have a better response to and better relationship with, the problematic and really negative thoughts and feelings caused by PMDD and holy cow. I almost immediately experienced a sense of spaciousness and openness and a sense of possibility for myself and my life, where previously I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel and I didn't see the possibility there for me. I felt like I could breathe again, I felt like I could enjoy life again and I began to feel like myself again. I think because I freed up so much time and energy that I had been spending trying to fight my feelings and my symptoms and I could now put that energy into working with my PMDD experience.
Speaker 1:
So it was a time of realization of maybe it's not that there's another thing for me to do and another thing for me to do, and when I finally find that right thing to do is when I'm going to feel better. Maybe it's not another thing to do, maybe it's a different way to think, maybe it's a mindset shift that I need. And it was also a time of this feeling of like, oh gosh, I've been fighting this thing, haven't I? I've been fighting PMDD and that's why I'm so, so exhausted with it and so burned out and feel so helpless. And maybe what I need to do is figure out how to work with PMDD alongside it. Look, it's not that I don't still take my meds or talk to my therapist or take care of my diet and exercise and sleep, because I do. I do all those things, but mindfulness and act have filled in the gap left behind by those things. Mindfulness and act were the missing puzzle piece I was looking for all along.
Speaker 1:
So yeah, the luteal phase will keep coming along and challenging moments will keep coming along, pmdd or not, because we're human and that's life. But what if we looked at each of those moments as a chance for us to practice being kinder and gentler to ourselves? First start, might we possibly find some easing of symptoms over time. Might we manage big feelings or negative thoughts with just a bit more ease the next time, so that, rather than get hooked by negative thoughts and being dragged down a deep dark hole with them, maybe we can acknowledge their presence and how they make us feel and then let them move on, so that we don't end up in self-loathing and despair. And no, we're not perfect, so we're not through each and every moment with kindness.
Speaker 1:
It is real to feel, as my mindfulness instructor, nikki, used to say. It's real to feel, and I'm going to be real with you. Okay, but I offer you this thought to just consider whenever you're ready. I'm just going to put it out there. What if we made the intention that each challenge is a chance to practice being kind and gentle to ourselves, and that that's what we're going to start to do. And then what if we held that intention in our hearts, so that maybe not every time, but sometimes and hopefully more and more often over time that intention may resurface and present itself to us in a difficult moment, and because we've already set that intention, it's perhaps just the tiniest but easier even just 1% easier to pause in the midst of one of those really challenging moments and ask how can I be kinder to myself about this? How can I be more gentle with myself right now? So next week, I will answer that question with a little intention setting exercise that we can do to sort of kick off this idea of training our brains to start responding to difficult thoughts and feelings in a different way, a way that isn't an impulsive and unkind reaction to our experiences.
Speaker 1:
For now, though, I'm super excited to share that the link to join the waitlist for my program, live Better with Mindfulness for PMDD, is live on my Instagram. So that's on Instagram at mindfulnessforpmdd, and you're just registering your interest commitment free. This program can be helpful at any stage of your PMDD journey, whether you're looking to tame the flame of survival mode or change your relationship to your thoughts and feelings, or find more stability and acceptance in your PMDD experience. So hop over to the link tree on my Instagram at mindfulnessforpmdd If you're curious to learn more about how mindfulness for PMDD may help you to find more peace and calm, feel more like yourself again, be an active participant in your own life again, improve relationships that have been impacted by PMDD.
Speaker 1:
I built this program specifically for PMDD so that sessions and mindfulness exercises are kept short to fit better with the decreased capacity of someone in the luteal phase. Shorter time does not diminish the benefit of mindfulness and, in fact, small habits may be easier to stick with over time, so there can be great value in short, mindfulness exercises. I will send small offerings or prompts or chats a few times a week to help with developing a practice that sticks, and accountability and guidance and support, because starting something new is always hard, but especially when you're feeling you're worst. And I made sure that this program is really practical and applicable so that you can do these mindfulness exercises even when it feels like too much to sit still with your eyes closed and focused on your breathing, and even when you're feeling emotionally maxed out or just pressed for time or just like, cognitively, you don't feel like you can handle a long and highly focused mindfulness exercise. So, again, there's now a live interest page.
Speaker 1:
If you want to learn how mindfulness for PMDD may help you to develop a mindfulness practice you can actually stick with as a stress management tool for PMDD, find a sense of relief from the resistance and resentment, anger, anxiety and depression caused by PMDD, so you aren't so hooked by your negative thoughts and feelings, and how mindfulness for PMDD may help you to perhaps even experience a mindset shift to find greater compassion for yourself and acceptance of your PMDD. If this sounds like you and you want to learn more about how you can work with me to use mindfulness to live better with PMDD, then pop on over to my Instagram at mindfulnessforpmdd and click on the waitlist form in my links. You guys, thank you so much for sharing this time with me today. It really means a lot, but even more I appreciate you for showing up for yourself. I can't wait to hear from all of you and in the meanwhile, you can find our next meditation right here next week. See you then? Take a breath and look around.